So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
