im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
