oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
