how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
