I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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