Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
