Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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