just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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