she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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