i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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