you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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