nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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