Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
