Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
