Cold hands, warm shart.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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