I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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