Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
