I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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