birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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