He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
