this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
