You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
