why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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