I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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