I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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