So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
