I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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