I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
