You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
