I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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