I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
