You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
