you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
