YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
