I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
