I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
