he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
