so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
