Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
