So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
