My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
