i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize