Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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