Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
