I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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