the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
