I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
