Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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