the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
