i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
