Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
