So drunk its hurt
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
