She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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