Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
