Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
