Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
