marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
