Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
