margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
