My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
