come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
being pregnant is like rehab
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
