so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
