We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just gift wrapped bread.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
